How do I tell if I am non-binary or just not very feminine?

Question

I am assigned female, I have never related to dresses and makeup, and lately "she" feels oddly loud. But maybe I am just a tomboy who is over feminine expectations? There seems to be a quiz for everything and I cannot find one that fits.

Devon · Accepted Answer

There is no quiz — and you do not need to solve this to be valid.

One useful distinction: look for euphoria, not only discomfort. When someone used they/them for me before I had words for anything, there was a click — a small rightness that had nothing to do with hating what I was. Discomfort can come from sexism alone; the click is usually gender.

Try reversible experiments for a month: different clothes, a different name in a group chat, they/them with two safe friends. Nothing is binding, and whatever you learn is useful either way.

Priya · Answer

Separate two questions that get tangled: "Do I like feminine things?" and "What am I?" A woman can hate dresses and still be a woman. Expression and gender are different axes — you can be butch, femme, both, neither, and any of it can belong to any gender.

If the she/her loudness keeps showing up when nothing else is wrong, that is worth sitting with — gently, with no deadline.