My teenager just came out to me. What am I supposed to say?
My 15-year-old sat me down last night and told me they think they are bi. I managed "thank you for telling me" but then I panicked and asked a bunch of questions I am now cringing about. What should I actually be doing right now?
The fact that you are asking this question already puts you ahead of most parents. The core script, in order:
- "Thank you for telling me. I love you." You got this part right. For many kids, that sentence is the whole ballgame.
- "Do you want to talk about it, or should we just hang out?" Let them lead. Some want a conversation; some immediately want to talk about pizza. Both mean it went well.
- Go easy on questions. Interrogation reads as a test they might fail. Curiosity can wait for tomorrow and the day after — you have years.
- Do not out them. Their friends, their aunts, their school — they decide who knows, at their pace. Ask before you tell anyone, even proudly.
- Get your own support. Parents' groups (PFLAG and similar) are not for the kid — they are for you to process any surprise away from your child's face.
Keep the door open, correct people in front of them, and carry on with dinner. Your calm is their safety.
Practical follow-ups that matter more than the perfect speech: use the name and pronouns they ask for, every time, in front of everyone — consistency builds trust faster than any talk. And watch the school situation gently; if bullying shows up, knowing early lets you act. Mostly though? They told YOU. That means you are their safe person. Protect that above all.
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