How do I tell if I am being fetishized or genuinely desired?
Dating as a trans person, I keep meeting people who are obsessed with one specific thing about me and nothing else. The interest feels intense but strangely hollow. Is there a way to tell early who wants ME versus who wants a fantasy?
Comments
2 Answers
3
Best answer
Early signals, in rough order of reliability:
- Do they ask boring questions? Fetishizers want access to the interesting part. Partners ask what you do, what annoyed you today, what your sister said. Curiosity about your ordinary life is the greenest flag there is.
- Do they know what you actually told them? Pronouns used right without prompts, remembering your job interview — attention vs. projection.
- Do they want you in daylight? Someone who only shows up at night, never tags you, never meets your friends is managing an image, not building something.
- How do they talk about people like you in general? Listen to the "jokes."
Trust the hollow feeling — it is usually accurate. You owe nobody a trial period while you collect evidence.
1
The one-question test I use: mention something genuinely unglamorous about yourself — a weird hobby, a family obligation, a bad week — and see whether they lean in or lose interest. Fantasy loses interest in logistics. People fall in love with logistics.
Sign in to share an answer. You can read everything without an account.